From Feedback to Fuel: How to Grow After a Disappointing Performance Review
A Practical Guide to Thriving After a Tough Performance Review
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Just got a performance review that hit like a punch to the gut? Disappointed, frustrated, maybe even angry? You’re not alone. You poured in the effort, believed in your work, only to get feedback that stings. But what if you could turn that sting into fuel for growth as a software engineer? To illustrate how a growth mindset can transform this setback into a career boost, let’s dive into a real example.
The Gut Punch Review
As an engineering manager, I remember when Alex (not his real name)—an engineer who had recently transitioned into my team—joined our online 1-1 visibly upset. The performance review feedback had just landed, and his disappointment was clear. He'd been anticipating a promotion, but the review stated simply: "Meets Expectations." On screen, those words felt starkly deflating.
From Alex’s perspective, it was baffling. He'd been pushing hard for months – late nights, extra effort, tackling tough challenges. He saw himself as a high performer, promotion feeling like the natural next step, validation for his dedication.
Adding to the sting, he knew colleagues from university who'd started as interns alongside him were already at higher levels. He’d seen their successes celebrated internally, and the comparison gnawed at him. Was he falling behind? This review felt like confirmation of his fear: despite his work, he wasn't progressing like his peers.
The review itself acknowledged his technical skills but offered a lukewarm "Meets Expectations" overall. It included feedback about "cross-team collaboration" and "leadership in larger initiatives"—vague corporate phrases that, to Alex, sounded like "not good enough."
"I just don't get it," Alex said, his voice tight even through the online call. "Meets Expectations?" he repeated, disbelief and frustration evident. "I've been working harder than ever! I thought I was on track for promotion. What was it all for?" His disappointment was palpable, the bland review feeling like a deep undervaluation of his effort, especially knowing his peers were advancing faster. The weight of this setback hung heavy in the virtual space.
Setting the Stage for Alex’s Turnaround
Recognizing the depth of Alex's frustration, I knew I had to shift the conversation toward solutions. "Alex," I began, speaking calmly, "I hear you, and it’s completely valid to feel frustrated. Performance reviews, while we try to make them as fair as possible, aren't perfect systems. There are processes in place to reduce bias and errors, but ultimately, they are still human evaluations, and sometimes things don’t land as we expect." I wanted to acknowledge the potential for imperfection in the process itself, to let him know I understood it wasn't necessarily a flawless judgment.
"It sounds like this review feels unfair," I continued, "and dwelling on why it might be 'unfair' in the past won't change the rating now. What we can do, starting right now, is try to understand this feedback objectively and figure out what we can learn from it going forward." I wanted to pivot him away from dwelling on the perceived injustice and towards actionable steps.
I let him vent further, and he reiterated his efforts and the peer comparison. "It makes sense you feel this way," I validated again. Internally, I was reflecting on my own observations of Alex in the short time he'd been on my team. Technically, he was strong. He consistently delivered solid code, and I hadn’t doubted his skills for a moment. But I also noticed he was a very heads-down, quiet worker. He wasn’t one to proactively share updates or highlight his accomplishments. He just got on with the work. This pattern resonated with a common challenge many engineers face.
Do you ever find yourself focusing so much on the task at hand that you forget to share your progress or seek feedback?
If that question strikes a chord, you’re not alone—and neither was Alex. Digging deeper, I recalled his previous project, which he had led. Despite his efforts, the project consistently fell behind deadlines. The root cause wasn’t a lack of skill but a lack of communication: Alex rarely provided meaningful updates about the project’s complexity or unknown challenges. Instead, he compensated by working extra hours, which inadvertently gave the impression that he was the problem rather than the challenges being systemic or external. This pattern likely contributed to the lukewarm feedback in his review, especially in areas like collaboration and leadership.
When he paused, I seized the opportunity to move forward. "Okay, Alex," I continued, "let’s shift gears a bit. You’re right, you’ve been working hard, and your technical skills are definitely there. From what I've seen, you have the potential to reach that next level. But performance reviews, unfortunately, aren't always just about objectively measuring your skills in isolation. They also reflect the perceptions of your contributions and impact across the team and the wider organization. Sometimes, it's not just about doing great work, but also about ensuring that work is visible and its value is understood."
I suggested, "Let’s break down the review, point by point, starting with 'Meets Expectations' and then those areas for development—collaboration and leadership. Let’s understand what they’re really saying and find actionable steps we can both commit to." My goal was to move beyond merely discussing the feedback and instead collaboratively create a concrete plan for Alex’s growth and future success. With this approach, I hoped the tide was starting to turn toward action and positive change.
Turning Feedback into Action
Instead of letting the "Meets Expectations" rating deflate him, Alex and I channeled his energy into creating a focused action plan. We targeted the two key feedback areas: cross-team collaboration and demonstrating leadership. Our goal was to translate these seemingly vague points into concrete, measurable steps that would not only shift perceptions but also showcase his growth by the next review cycle.
Building on our discussion, my next step was to entrust Alex with leading a new, high-visibility project. This was a deliberate choice, providing him with a platform to practice both leadership and communication. “Alex,” I emphasized, “your success on this project isn’t just about delivering the code. It’s also about how you lead. During our weekly project leads meeting—where I’ll be present—I need you to provide clear updates on whether the project is on track, highlight any issues, and engage with other leaders to exchange experiences and solutions. Don’t hesitate to raise blockers or potential problems early and proactively. And importantly, don’t default to working extra hours to compensate for challenges. Let’s address issues head-on, as a team.”
I also tackled a common misconception, especially prevalent in engineering: the idea that raising problems or asking for help is a sign of weakness. “Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking we need to be the ‘hero’ who solves everything alone,” I said. “But in reality, it’s often the opposite. Being vulnerable enough to raise challenges and seek input demonstrates humility and a greater potential for success. When you bring in different perspectives, you often arrive at better solutions than you would on your own. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to leverage the collective intelligence of the team.” This encouragement was crucial to help him break free from any reluctance to communicate openly.
To keep us on track and provide ongoing support, we instituted weekly 1:1 check-ins focused specifically on his action plan. These 1:1s became a space for me to offer direct feedback on his project leadership and communication. For example, after one meeting, I noted in our 1:1 that his update was concise and clear, but he could improve by asking more questions of his peers to foster collaboration. He took this feedback to heart, and in the next meeting, he actively sought input on a technical challenge, which led to a productive discussion and a faster resolution. This regular cadence allowed for quick course corrections and ensured we wouldn’t wait until the next review cycle to address any areas needing adjustment. It was about creating a continuous feedback loop, with me as a coach and Alex as the driver of his own growth.
These weren’t just abstract goals—they were practical opportunities for Alex to demonstrate the behaviors highlighted in the feedback. Leading a project and engaging in the weekly meetings demanded proactive communication and problem-solving, while embracing vulnerability by raising issues openly in front of his peers. Over time, these actions began to shift how his contributions were perceived, laying the groundwork for future success.
The Payoff: A New Level of Impact
By the next review cycle, Alex’s transformation was clear. The once-frustrated engineer who felt undervalued had evolved into someone who showed confidence and earned respect. He didn’t just meet expectations—he changed how his contributions were seen. For instance, during a critical project review, Alex confidently shared progress, openly addressed a potential delay, and sought input from stakeholders, earning their trust and praise. He had demonstrated he could lead projects with assurance, communicate clearly, and influence both his peers and stakeholders. His growth wasn’t just technical; it was personal and professional, a proof of the mindset shift and actions we’d worked on together.
What changed? It wasn’t a single moment but a series of deliberate steps. Alex stepped up as a leader, taking ownership of high-visibility projects and driving them forward with clarity. He communicated proactively in meetings, sharing updates and raising challenges without hesitation. His willingness to engage with others, seek input, and influence decisions showed a newfound confidence that spread through the team. Colleagues and leadership began to see him not just as a skilled engineer, but as a key player who could shape outcomes and inspire others. This shift in perception laid the foundation for his next career milestone.
Key Takeaways
Alex’s journey offers valuable lessons for any software engineer facing a disappointing review:
Visibility Matters as Much as Skill: Technical excellence is essential, but it’s not enough on its own. Make sure your work and its impact are noticed and understood. Regularly share updates, highlight challenges, and celebrate successes with your team and stakeholders. As Alex learned, being a "heads-down" worker can accidentally hide your value.
Embrace Vulnerability as Strength: Asking for help or raising issues isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a smart move. By proactively addressing blockers and seeking input, Alex not only improved his project outcomes but also built trust with his team and leadership. Being open fosters collaboration and often leads to better solutions.
Turn Feedback into Action, Not Frustration: Instead of focusing on the unfairness of a review, concentrate on what you can control. Break down feedback into specific, doable steps, and work with your manager as a partner in your growth. Regular check-ins, like the ones Alex and I set up, create accountability and momentum.
Growth Is a Continuous Process: A single review doesn’t define you, but how you respond to it can. Alex’s progress was the result of steady effort, not a single breakthrough. Stay curious, seek feedback often, and treat every project as a chance to improve.
Alex’s story shows what’s possible with effort and the right mindset. So, ask yourself: Are you communicating your value effectively? Are you seeking feedback proactively? With a growth mindset and a focus on visibility, you can shape your career and ensure your contributions shine.
Last Words
Really appreciate
for sharing his experience and story. Remember to check his publication The Chill Developer as well.Thank you for reading the post!
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